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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
child behaviour
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
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child behaviour
by sadhana majumdar, Jun 13, 2000 12:00AM
my son will be nine years old in november 2000. He is good in his studies although it is very difficult to get him into that. He doesn't pay attention to his work and try to complete it as early as possible.my problem is that he refuses to do anything by himself. He doesn't eat or dress up or even washes by himself. he wants us to do everything for him. if we force him he starts screaming and crying. he doesn't even want to try. he is giving us real hard time.i am desperately seeking help for him.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jun 13, 2000 12:00AM
, Jun 13, 2000 12:00AM
Dear Sadhana Majumdar,
The degree of dependence you describe is certainly unusual for a child who is eight and one-half. At this age, it is to be expected that a significant degree of mastery be occurring; children usually delight in being able to do more and more things.
On a behavior management level, it's important not to be coerced by the crying and fussing - don't give in to it. If you issue an expectation, stick to it. At times, it might mean that your child will have to be in time out until he accomplishes what you are asking him to do. On the positive side, it might help him if you establish an incentive system, whereby he will be rewarded for accomplishing tasks without assistance.
If you don't see any progress, consult with a clinician who can assess the situation and collaborate with you to increase your son's degree of mastery.
The degree of dependence you describe is certainly unusual for a child who is eight and one-half. At this age, it is to be expected that a significant degree of mastery be occurring; children usually delight in being able to do more and more things.
On a behavior management level, it's important not to be coerced by the crying and fussing - don't give in to it. If you issue an expectation, stick to it. At times, it might mean that your child will have to be in time out until he accomplishes what you are asking him to do. On the positive side, it might help him if you establish an incentive system, whereby he will be rewarded for accomplishing tasks without assistance.
If you don't see any progress, consult with a clinician who can assess the situation and collaborate with you to increase your son's degree of mastery.
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please look into learning disability information, specifically developmental dyspraxia. Your son may have a problem with task planning. My son still needs help doing basic self help skills, and will also cry if I insist he can do it. You are not going to help your child by not giving in because of crying.
Try this. Write out the steps your son needs to complete in order to get dressed. For example:
Getting Dressed
1. Take off clothes.
2. Put on underwear.
3. Put on pants.
4. Put on shirt.
5. Put on shoes.
This is a checklist. He should checkmark as he goes. You can use this for just about any routine.
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